FanHouse

It was not a pretty night on the field, nor was it a pretty night in the booth. Starring in the role of Bruce Gradkowski on the field was Bruce Gradkowski. Starring in the role of Bruce Gradkowski in the booth was Tony Kornheiser.

He's regressing. Actually, that's probably not accurate. I don't think he has any sort of a plan for improving, and some weeks, he'll be decent, and some weeks, he won't be. It's really just pure, blind, luck. I hate to double up on the analogies (and even mix in another sport), but he's kind of like Ricky Davis. He'll have some good games, but most will be bad, and there's no rhyme or reason for when it happens.

Let's start with the things Kornheiser said last night that I enjoyed:



There. Now click that pretty blue link below, and we'll discuss the things I didn't like about his performance, and how Joe Theismann became a hero.

Tony seems to like to latch onto a theme early in the broadcast, then hammer away at it for the next three hours, whether it's funny or not. Tonight, he had two such themes. One was a dinner that the entire Panthers defense shared recently, and the other was that Jon Gruden looks like a Pirate. The Pirate thing was harmless, perhaps even borderline slight-smile worthy.

The dinner thing was an interesting little note when mentioned once, but became like a cattle prod being shoved in my ribs when he kept bringing it up. Late in the game, Tampa Bay fumbled, and it was recovered by the Panthers--one of the most important plays of the game. Immediately after the play, Kornheiser starts babbling about the dinner again, and how much it cost, and who paid for it ... as if that's what's important right then. Then game might have just been decided, or at the very least, just had a significant momentum shift... but yeah, let's bring up the dinner check. In fact, let's go through the receipt, item by item, and calculate the trans fat volume in the meals of all the players involved. All very relevant and timely.

Theismann cut him off as soon as he could. Kornheiser said something like, "And I think Minter paid for it," and Theismann, without pause, jumped in with, "He did, but..." and then went onto say something about the fumble, what caused it, why it happened, its impact on the game ... you know, things that were relevant at that particular moment.

Something similar actually happened very early in the game when Kornheiser and Tirico got caught up in some babble about Chris Simms' spleen. Actually, it wasn't even about the spleen, it was about which ESPN person was able to get the information about the spleen, which, of course, no one in the world cares about except the ESPN people themselves. Theismann interjected with, "It's second and three. Just thought I'd throw that in for the benefit of conversation."

Joe Theismann, voice of reason.